ed Writing a Blog is kind of difficult, that i Force myself to write it. it is already better than writing by yourself because you Perceive that someone might be watching it(although not very likely). when writing by yourself you are like writing/speaking to a wall. with no response because you know there is no chance for anyone to read it and the idea of stupid will come up. which theoretically if we are Sound Expressions, all sorts of feelings like like/dislike, want/reluctant to do are not suppose to exist inside us. even desire itself is Refraction inside us that Interfere with us. yet, i enjoy/obsessed in desires mainly in opposite sex, really need to find a way when you are fully charged inside and the mind wants to upgrade. the energetic release is the moment that most of us want to extend and staying there forever. i just watched some Desteni member's tree interview saying wine is a mixture of Anger, Guilt the rest i forgot and it really make sense like that is it, that is what wine really is and the feeling/thing that i was pursuing in the past. i wonder if i realize/understand how s**/masturb*** is constructed of will i find the same relieve as i found of the wine and so that i can give up? at least through an opposite sex's image and sound.
Stumble on a BT web with japanese adult animation links with covers on, correctly speaking i have Avoided them for an year by now. however, i know that i was burying it inside me and stopping because of the consequences of creating rapist all over the world. with my limited knowing of how energy and thoughts that are generated and will manifest in others to 'full fill' balancing the equilibrium. so i try to see how which i did through my mind being reactive to the covers. not very but still reactive and the mind has been 'offed' for a whole year. it is really the covers that catch the attentions and it's(i hesitate in typing to deal with it) a point that i need to transcend. many questions, many 'try' to see it in different angle for the same object. when i watch for male animation characters i am totally opposed and not feeling 'interested' and like to go on, the same happens to a girl watching a female characters posting all sorts of sedusive postings and tied ups. she wouldn't react to it at all just like me watching male characters (eg. kissing) which i found not attractive at all but girls/women will found as reactive as when i watching female postings. it is like one of the man said in the Recently Crossed Over series, saying one night stand is not as Fantastic as you think, same is the desire of s** and masturb*** which totally shut down after you energetic surge is released(to the dimension) and you (maybe through the mind) keep wanting more and more which is obsessed. it is funny that the dimensional beings are doing everything to look for stability yet we here on earth are looking (mainly) through s** and masturb**** to look for instability/energetic excitement which is reverse.
When watching the covers today, i stay in my breathe and stay with it. i react to them but not going deeper in the fantasies. later on, i become one with the energetic surge inside me (as Bernard said in his post, if i recall it correctly) until it is no more energetic surge inside. to realize/transced when facing it head on is more difficult than just avoid it |o|. during that i ask a lot of why, why did i react to these postures? why did i react to water reflection on certain part of body but not on other parts? they should be interpreted just as bunch of cells/ figures. why would i react to shy/unwillingly when tied up? i watched videos from a guy's Confession of dying of Aids which he starts with masturb****tion and gradually become someone obsessed in chil**** s**ual fantasies and Aids got him. that's the road that Will Lead to i realize and believe in that. maybe i want to know why so i can transced/keep certain part of it if not all so i don't have to give it up forever? Bernard has mentioned s** and masturb****tion should be an expression that is not as reactive to something and have to do it which can be self-stopped anytime.
I forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to be Self-Directive but yielding myself as Reactive to the S**ual desire for Energetic Surge up as directed by the mind.
I forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to amalgamate with the Energetic Surge inside me until it is not Energetic flowing inside me anymore, instead i obsessed the feeling of Energetic flow inside me.
I forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to realized i am sound expression in nature and all these sorts of 'reactions' inside me are pre-programmed and not real.
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