Have re-watched the matrix movie again, got quite some realizations so far. it is like before was just receiving the information presented but not realization. now, it is like most of the veils has been lifted and i as self 'really see' what was encoded/hidden in the movie. before, it was just a tricky full of riddles action movie now it is a key/answer waiting for us/me as self to realize through self. before i was totally frustrated/why they make something like that which totally don't make sense/just something 'crap' i used to term it that way that have missed/i, we as self deceiving ourselves through secrecy. also, a whole lot more of realization of why i am just a program, i mean through stimulations, desires, energetic surges within, purpose[fulfilled and then go for another purpose that we have never Lived, no matter what we do we don't Live it, whether it's work, sleep, eat, typing, gaming, traveling for pleasure - we wasn't Living - yet, we just perform desires/purpose/stimulations then process/reactions/reflecting each other then the energy dissipate[to dimension and as Bernard said, nobody cares what happen to the energy that has dissipate, |o| i was one of them, who cares when you only have limited amount of time to pursuit of your 'energetic pleasures' as desires, if you want to be a philosopher and locked yourself into a cave suit your self but i am going to keep pursuit of my 'feeling good of delve into the energetic surges inside and excitements' and leave me secluded in my room and let me jurk|o|...not realize the consequences of what happened here has effects to all Here[s] to come and currently on earth but also missed a so simple point that i have 'illusionly chosen' through directing myself to abdicate life over energetic surges excitements as unreal 'feelings'. i mean ask yourself s** and masturb***** have you Live through that while your performing the acts? honestly - i didn't. when hearing music are you Living in that music or are you just enjoying through experiencing as the energetic surges that raise up within you? you feel good or Live good through it? when you/me phantom/measure/access through our mind it is not Living it is 'processing' through predefined boundaries/limitations from past experiences, living is not bound by limitations, i just realize - Live vulnerability inside.] so a point that can be worked on is living. how to Live or Live for what, starts with live through as the breathe. before, i was like what's wrong with being a system that i 'feel good' through masturb***** and hormone fluctuations but not realizing[the French guy's speech about how Programs and Systems works helps but only until i as self 'see' what he's talking about together with winged 2's article about 'Choice - the Ultimate Deceptions' and now here i see/realize how and what i have lost for inside the se* and masturb**** construct, constructed through by me, us as self]. the point i was saying is i as self was living by through as my mind perceiving as Living but not Live self not live my breathe as life not live the moments and live here or even live my words live honesty to me as myself as the outer 3D reality that are much more even by listening to the words of it. i just realize, it is quite simple whatever you live you are through and as that! you put yourself there and through breathe step by step you REALizing it for you. when you live you don't react because your experiencing it through and as you that's my realization. in Self's sense of saying Live in and through as 'Living' itself.
Have also been do some testing on self live self it has some very interesting feelings could be la-la land type experience because this is logically un-phantomable by the mind for self live inside self - for them at this moment i presume. have ventured into the i live i domain but not very like the feeling of it because things become quite self-centered as i-centered. i quite like ventures not because of want to /challenge[well in a matter of sense yes, 'experiencing' a shorter path]. so my experience change quite differently for doing the same thing - Live is the key that i just realize. wonder what it would be like to live as physical? i have tried live the moments while walking with my in the farmland, it's quite strange 'feelings' like you are inside yourbody but at the same time also dissolved into the moment that all participants that are involved in. funny experience.
I forgive myself for accepted and allowing myself to judge the matrix movie for being a crap movie because it was giving me headaches when trying to understand the meaning through as the mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live through as the mind and enjoy limited/pre-programmed/pre-bounded energetic excitements as stimulations and not realize how robotic/systematic that i was living through the mind as it and not live self.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowed myself to secluded myself and masturbate not realizing the effects and consequences of Here and one and equalness.
I forgive myself for accepted and allowing myself just self-centered on my experiencing of energetic stimulations and only enjoy through it and dissipate and look for another 'round' not caring about the matters/physical that need to be generated for the energy through my body hence i don't care for the physical and my physical body.
I forgive myself for accepted and allowed myself to want and like to be special to be praised to be worship to be a leader icon not realizing it is me as self through the ego that want to be worshiped not living through as the breathe.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to find a shorter path for process and always have a want of find a shorter path instead of facing my past sins and do forgiveness and being vunerable inside and live breathe, finish the tasks that i have on hand.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wonder/desire/dream of what living as physical will be like as inter-dimensionally and project into the future not realizing it happens here so stay live through and as my breathe.
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