True Self

Got a realization, when i was cooking dinner. the true self which imply the current 'self' is not true. well, it is. i mean, from what i realized so far, what the breath practice that i have been doing i can say yes, my current self was not 'a true self'. i don't know - yet what is this true self but i mean, it exists..why? because i exist at this moment, and it's a simple..common sense that it is not an external journey to 'look/search' for something, in nowdays' scientific way of perceiving as - don't know whether it exists or not(of course, in oneness and equality and we living in our inside as outside reflects what's within us..within this structure resonance as world/earth..then, nothing is non-existent would it? 'cause what exist inside us will manifest outside..kinda like, you 'wish' it you get it scenario..so how could something you searching for do not exist? you search for ..a solution or something, that solution 'thing' is inside you already, you just don't know what it is yet..and inside will manifest outside in the place we are living..so..but of course..how one treat others they will experience how the others are treated, in the afterlife - in other words, the every moment we are sketching/drawing our afterlife..this picture/movie is inactive, stored 'inside' the things/people/beings(and thoughts too) those we treated, for ease of explanation, and we experience those in the afterlife.)

True self is..interesting. i got 'feelings' in my breathe. first, i am beginning to aware when my eyes wink..it's similar to when i was a child. the wonder of it is i can still operate, like at this moment..i m typing, staying in my breath, awareing the eye winks when it happens and listening..all at the same moment. before, they wink..but i was not aware of them..and my awareness increase too. i am becoming more aware - in a more awareness stage. what i do is..go deep inside me..and i know it's there..inside me ..just like Bruce Lee's video, just the core essence of myself the essence self..as i said, since i am aware at this moment, i am self..then it must exist and in me. only an inward journey then as that true self operate. and things inside me becomes clear, quiet, a sense of a bit instantaneous. following the trace, and it makes common senses for when it will narrow down to self and life, as all life here. because, what is powering/operating everything..as for what i have realized so far would be life. what is the utmost core of myself? self..according to Desteni's materials this true self, because it's 'true' - self, so it will go beyond ego and mind consciousness system, simply because it's the very true of me as self.

Now here, some events has happened. Wei, is ..really. i anticipated there would be disagreements..|o|..but he's really mirror of myself that i need self-forgiveness. i am glad that i have see Shi's first interview again, just did the translation realizing emotions and feelings are just mathematical equated precision (summary). that, i don't quite get frustrated in fact, yesterday the afternoon was filled with people feeding their excitements for energetic hail for a barbecue gathering or something, you know shouting around..it's july which i need to leave the window open. i used to be like maaaddd..frustrated, irritated..well, yesterday and when handling Wei i just didn't participate with my emotions, stayed with my breathing and staying - don't participate with my mathematic equations and it was pretty ok. i was quite calm and started do my work, or direct the situation with Wei.

Now some, analyze. to change myself so situation with wei should change accordingly. he's insist on his beliefs, going only his way not really consider other's options, judgment/criticize on me, enjoy debating and until convincing me endlessly, debate and live in logic instead of applying and doing it and then evaluate.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to insist and cling onto my belief, not willing to let go of my ego, protecting my ego and instead of consider everything equally as all life as much as i can and act/sacrifice for common good.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to sacrifice myself not even a bit to live in principle living of oneness and equality - which we all experience it afterwards afterdeath.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go only for my way and not really consider other's opinions as myself's opinions and evaluate them equally.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy judging others and enjoy the energetic feeling/beingness of judging others in making my ego right and others as wrong instead of Here and stop the polarity game.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to defend my ego and deny when i was pointed out that i am living in my ego by others. trying to keep myself right and others are wrong.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy criticizing other hence imply that i am more superior than others.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy worship superiority and specialness in separation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to associate self-determination as competing with others and enjoy the feeling of win and observing others as lose.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy arguing with others and not until i convince them make them adopt my opinions and i feel the hail of winning and right for my ego.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy debate and live in knowledge and information only and not live the application of realization then evaluate it in oneness and equality based.