DIP Handsome - Secretly looking at mirror in toilet

Ever since I was a boy I watched the actor on the movies and TV and was mesmerized by their appearance. I looked at the mirror and try to make the posture and make me look like them. Look appealing to girls. Instead of accepting myself and express myself here.

I secretly think I might not have the brightest outlook but have a very good mind and personality. Totally hypnotized and not seeing what I actually was.

I would also dress according to how the actors dress like and make myself more acceptable amongst girls. I would have long hair to make it looks similar to the popular Japanese actor. And I just alternate how I dress/look for pleasing girls.

I deliberate do things that are abnormal to catch girls’ attention. I want all the girls worship me or want me so I can have a beautiful cutie girl friend. Never considered that it was all about energy/feelings and everything in existence is actually me.

I didn’t have any relationship so I was pretty much only caring about how I look, how I can be more handsome and look like an actor.

If I can have girls/females appreciate my look/dress then I’d be happy because someone admire me.

So I can see I Want to be as admired, recognized and intimating as actors in movies, Want to be attractive amongst girls, Use how I dress and looks to appeal girls, Deliberate do abnormal stuffs to catch girls’ attention. I Want girls to worship/admire me so I can choose a beautiful/cutie girl friend. I only care about how I look, how I can be more handsome. I’d be happy if some girls admire me. I Desire for sex, warm feelings. It is an Envy to the handsome actors and I really need to get these out things self-forgiven else they are just haunting me inside because that was what I did/accepted or allowed. I have to admit that.  

I will concentrate working on Want to be as admired, recognized and mimic actors in movies and Envy. I also feel Pride and Admiration about if I can mimic the actors. To summarize in one word, it is – Handsome. I remember when I was a teenager, I’d look at the toilet mirror, I change how my face look to mimic how the actors in the movie look like. When I would arouse and have do that? After I see male that are more handsome than me in movies then I’d go to the toilet and look at myself. And there is also Envy involved.

So for the thought I want to be admired, recognized I self-forgive myself as below:

• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself want to be the most handsome man on earth.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compete with other males to want to look more attractive than others instead of placing value in Equality as everyone is me.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to want to become an actor and have all the fames and fortunes and admiration instead of considering what is best for all.

And for when I see handsome actors acting in movies, I forgive myself for:

• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fantasize when I see a handsome actor acting on screen instead of seeing him as equal to me.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be special and having superior value in girls mind instead of treating everyone as me.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself thinking if I cannot become an handsome actor then let me shape myself become similar to them, getting my distance closer to them instead of seeing there should be Equality everywhere as everyone is me.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place value in handsome actor’s faces and want to mimic as them instead of self-expressing myself in every moment.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project me into the actors on the movies instead of staying in my breath and here.

So for  I self-forgive myself on want to be admired:

• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be swallowed by admiration and how I look in other people’s eyes instead of expressing me within Equality.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away and being directed in hoping I can look more like an actor in the movies.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself want to use my face to attract teenage girls instead of realizing it is just  energy/feelings.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use dressing as a mean to get girls like me instead of self-expressing myself in the moment.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberate to make abnormal acts to try to draw girls’ attentions and being slyly instead of self-honest to myself and treat them as me.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to secretly want girls to worship me as I have pride in my mind so that I can have a beautiful and cutie girl friend instead of seeing everyone is me having their own expression.
• I forgive myself haven’t accepting and allowing myself to accept myself and placing value into my facial expression.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself placing value into my facial expression because it can stimulate girls and make them want to go to bed with me.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be handsome and want all males that are more handsome than me died instead of placing value in myself and clearing myself fit into oneness and equality.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place value and being directed by how I look instead of seeing everything is me.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be jealous to all males that have many beautiful girl friends instead of living self-honesty.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to jealousy.

My self-forgiveness on my Envy:

• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to envy of the handsome actors having an attractive face for girls and why I couldn’t have one like them instead of  realizing everything is me and I should do what is best for all instead of placing value in my look.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spite people that are handsome that if I cannot be handsome then let me curse them to die so that I can upgrade and become more attractive instead of expressing myself in Oneness and Equality and enjoy together equally.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lost in separation and envy to the handsome actors instead of realizing they are me.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think nobody can hear my envy and I can choose envy, spite and backchats to the handsome actors instead of being self-honest and treating everything as me.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be the handsome actors instead of staying in breathe, here expressing myself in every moment within Best for all.

So for my desire Wanting to be as admired, recognized and mimic actors in movies, I realize I am one and equal to everything and facial expression is just part of our expressions,

I am not subjected and controlled by how I/we look and I should place value into Oneness and Equality, and self-expression.

When I react with the handsome pictures shown on screen again, I stop and breathe and remind myself Placing value in Oneness and Equality. Facial and hair expression are just how the mind feel and calculate for possibility of conception. It is not really what I feel and everyone is me, I should treat everyone as Equal as me.

• And for when I see handsome actors performing in movies, I realize I am not the Actor and shouldn’t admire to being them, Everyone is just expressing themselves, I am self-accepting myself and placing value on myself.

So When I see the actors on the movie, I stop and breathe and do not participate in the mind. Reminding me that I am self-accepting myself and do not place/define my value separate outside of me on my facial expression or on the actor’s physical expression.

• For  my desire want to be admired, I realize I am no special than anyone else, everything is me. I flag the point of being admired is just ego looking for conceptions and I am no better or worse than anything else but equal to them all.

• For my secret  [Envy] I realize Everything is me and I shouldn’t envy anything/anyone as myself, When I spite people I was creating my future of being spite and ignore that I am actually everything in existence, We enjoy together here Equally, Everything is known in existence there is no place that I can hide my backchats.

So When I want to be handsome I stop and breath and remind myself the facial expressing is just couple of cells it’s the feeling through the mind generated that gives me the impression and that is not real and will not last. And When I want to envy anyone or anything I stop and breathe and remind myself for best for all and everything is me.

So When I feel Pride and Admiration if I am handsome. And secretly behind these feelings I am actually Afraid of being rejected by a girl and Fear of not being good enough.

Why I would fear of being rejected and not good enough, I ask myself and the answer is Addicted to energy and feelings, Lack of self-confidence, I am not a perfect attractive male amongst girls, Do not want all my time and effort spend on this girl become nothing and wasted.

So for me feeling pride and admiration, I myself:

Pride:

• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to my ego’s pride and refuse to change myself.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself looking for being handsome and being pride.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think as long as I have an handsome outlook then I can be proud of instead of living equality in all ways.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think if do not have an attractive outlook then I am not proud and lacking confidence in me.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself placing self-value in my outlook.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be proud of I don’t look like a typical Chinese instead of realizing the feeling of my face is energy generated in my mind.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use smiling to get special treatments from female because of my outlook.
• I forgive myself haven’t allowed myself to see that this pride is only my ego want to be special.

Admiration:

• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be admired and taking advantage of can have lots of beautiful teenage girls and subsequently/secretly want to have sex with them.
• I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize admiration means specialness, means different than others in separation instead of equality.
• I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to ever consider that we are actually equal in all ways.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away totally pursuit of admiration and beauty/handsome when I was standing in front of the mirror.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge that I am not handsome enough than other males instead of realizing it is just an expression to indentify each other.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place value in admiration more than I value myself.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to secretly want to be admired by all the girls in the world instead of living and considering everything is equal.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself admiring teenagers’ body is actually wanting to have sex with them instead of clearing my dependence of energy.
• I forgive myself haven’t allowed myself to realize that sex and masturbation is energy and is not living at all instead of staying in breathe and living here as life in equality.

And for desire for energy, I forgive myself on:

• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself wanting to experience energy forever instead of realizing energy is polarity and won’t last long.
• I forgive myself haven’t allowed myself to realize that energy is not living and is only sucking from physical.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself because masturbation feels much excited than just looking at girls and then I just secretly thinking nobody can see what I am thinking in mind and I can generate all the thoughts of having sex with them.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limited my self-expression as energy in masturbation only and think I was living.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to addicted to masturbation and energy instead of living in equality and best for all.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to masturbation and energy and making a statement that I couldn’t live without them instead of staying in breathe and here.

For secretly Afraid of being rejected by a girl. Fear of not being good enough:

• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to always afraid of being rejected by a girl instead of treating everything in existence as me and always for best for all.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself belief that because of all my past experience with girls that I always got rejected that I actually stand no chance in having an agreement with the girl that I find interesting instead of going into agreement with best for all.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put my energy feelings and self-interest in front of agreement for best for all.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to belief fearing of being rejected is protecting me from being rejected instead of going with agreements for best for all including me.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to competing with other males to race for winning a girl instead of realizing that everyone/everything is actually me and act for best for all.
• I forgive myself haven’t allowed myself to realize best for all is also best for me as everything/everyone is me.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I am not good enough for competing to have a girlfriend instead of realizing everyone is me and it doesn’t matter who I am going to be with an agreement.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect fear to the believe that I am not good enough for competing to have a girlfriend.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear how other girls know how evil I am inside that I tried to conceive instead of cleaning myself and become a better being fit within oneness and equality.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to secretly inside my backchats valuing myself as the most attractive person instead of treating everyone equally and do what is best for all.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am loser once I got rejected instead of realizing that everyone is me and it is me rejecting me.

For why I would connect afraid of being rejected to admiration and Pride:

• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to as long as it feels good then I don’t care about anything in existence instead of realizing that everything actually is me.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make a statement of I only care about my self-interest of energy and not caring about anything else.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in my ego and not doing/considering what is best for all.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to listen and give my power away to my mind and ego instead of using common sense and living in breathe in equality as Life.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself whenever I desire for energy then I connect to want to be handsome and able to have lots of teenage girl friends.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from desire for energy and sex and from desire to be handsome through defining desire for energy and sex within desire to be handsome.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to treat relationship as a lottery and if I am rejected I lost all my time and effort and I feel sad instead of always acting in best for all for Oneness and Equality.

I forgive myself for  Lacking self-confidence, I am not a perfect attractive male amongst girls:

• I forgive myself haven’t allowed myself to realize that there is not perfect male/comparison or beautiful or ugly as those are just energy feelings and everything is me.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself wanting to have sex with a beautiful girl so I always try to mimic or want to be a perfect attractive male.
• I forgive myself for accepting myself to believe I am hurt and shamed when I was rejected by girls instead of realizing always doing what is best for all and everything in existence is me will always be right.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself project into the future wanting to have sex with the girls I proposed into an desire for energy instead of considering everyone equally and do what is best for all instead of placing value into desires, energies and outlooks.
• I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that everything is me and I have excluded everything in existence but only my self-interest and energy/feelings/girls instead of always doing best for all.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect I am not a perfect attractive male amongst girls to the belief of fear of not being good enough.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to want to be as attractive and shine like a start instead of realizing I am no different than anything or anyone else in existence.

So through these self-forgiveness statements, I realize I am taking my power back and do not give my power away to my ego, Handsome only exists within competition/comparison and within the mind, How I treat others or how I slyly manipulate others are actually I submit myself to be manipulated and tricked by others in future, I am not special as everything is actually me and there is no pride in comparing to others, There is no secret so to be self-honest I treat everything as me, I do not place value in handsome because it is only a feeling/energy generated by the mind and we currently place value into it and

I place self-value in me.

Also,  Life is not only about getting a girl and then have feelings/energy have sex with the one I want, Life is about expressing and giving equality to everyone around me, Best for all will always be the best and right, It is not about who can have which girl but everything is actually me, From now on, I am changing myself to do what is best for all.

I remind myself, When I feel the feeling of want to have pride and admiration through make myself look handsome, I stop and breath and remind myself that I am no any different than anyone else. And handsome is just an energy feeling that going inside my mind.

When I begin to fear of being rejected by girls I stop and breath, and remind myself I am always acting for what is best for all, not for relationship, energy or feelings.

For my underlying reason of desire for energy and Envy, I realize Energy is not real and is an abuse of physical as me, Addicted to energy is a statement of literally saying I don’t about existence or anything but only my self-interest of feelings as energies – denying I am everything in existence and To live Equality means living best for all, for me as life.

So when I face similar situation again, When I want to experience energy and saying I can’t stand without energy, I stop and breath and remind myself that  when I was small and innocent that’s the joy of expression of life is the real enjoyment. Energy is a polarity that someone has to suffer and not real joy.

I am part of Life and should consider everything and act for best for all not self-interest.

For I am not good enough and desire for energy, I realize Energy living is not real and not Oneness and Equality way of living, I can take my power back and release the addiction to energy and masturbation, I am real as Life as best for all and do not define myself as energy, I am just normal as everyone/everything else, I don’t live in comparison, or envy of anyone/anything but just play my role always do what is best for all and I do not exist as or for energies but are expressing myself as part of Life.

So When I face the similar situation again, When I want to consume energy as masturbation, I stop and breathe and remind myself, energy and masturbation is not actually living, living in equality in considering every life is the joy without worry of karma and actually taking my self-responsibility and “free as a god”.

When I begin to feel sad when I am rejected and imply I am not a perfect attractive male amongst girls, I stop and breathe, and remind myself I am just as normal as everything/everyone here. I do not live in envy or comparison but always living what is best for all.

So for self-forgive on the points for handsome:

• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word handsome with a positive value.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the word handsome as good/right/positive instead of treating everything in existence as me Equally without any polarities.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word handsome to energy feelings.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word handsome and from the feelings through connecting handsome to energy feelings.

By breaking down the major parts that I am connecting to the word Handsome:

• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect handsome to the scene of Robert Redford wearing a suit.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define handsome within the scene of Robert reford wearing a suit.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from handsome and from the scene of Robert Reford wearing a suit through defining handsome within the scene of Robert reford wearing a suit.

• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect handsome to the scene of Tom Cruise in the movie topgun.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define handsome within the scene of Tom Cruise in the movie topgun.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from handsome and from the scene of Tom Cruise in the movie topgun through defining handsome within the scene of Tom Cruise in the movie topgun.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself wanted to be as good looking as Tom Cruise so I can have many teenage Caucasian girl friends to worship me and can have sex with them instead of realizing that sex is only energy and everything is equally as me.

• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect handsome to the picture of a prince with a white horse in Snow White.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define handsome within the picture of a prince with a white horse in Snow white.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from handsome and from the picture of a prince with a white horse in snow white through defining handsome within a picture of a prince with a white horse in snow white.

• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge Denny devito is urgly/not attractive instead of realizing that denny devito is me.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel superior than Denny devito/dwarfs instead of realizing they are Equal as me.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel inferior than Tom Cruise instead of realizing the facial expression value is how people desire for sex and not the true identity of what we are.

• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect handsome to Justine Bieber singing in MTV.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define handsome within Justin Bieber singing in MTV.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from handsome and from Justin Bieber singing in MTV through defining handsome within Justin Bieber singing in MTV.

 

To Redefine the word Handsome, first I look up the definition in the dictionary:

1.  Pleasing and dignified in form or appearance.

2.  Generous or copious: a handsome reward.

3.  Marked by or requiring skill dexterity: did some handsome maneuvers on the skating rink.

4.  Appropriate or fitting: a handsome location for the new school.

5.  Large: a handsome price; won by a handsome margin.

Play with the sound of the word handsome, sounds like I have some, in some.

So I write about this word handsome. I remember Sunette once in a video said the plants at the farm are growing healthy and she said they are beautiful. I also want to use that definition to define my new meaning of handsome where it is not define by how much I want to have sex with a girl or how others want to have sex with me but just a word describing how everyone is expressing and enjoying themselves as Life.

I redefine it without polarity as: It describes the physical appearance(usually male) or object and it is appealing to the viewers.

When I speak the word Handsome aloud and I would float out a memory of when I was a teenager, When I looked at the toilet mirror, I change how my face look to mimic how the actors in the movie look like. I would compare my nose to how similar it is to the actors and placing my pride or value totally into my nose.  Trying to make my nose look more like a Caucasian instead of seeing that everyone is equal . I want to be worship by girls so I can feel security for I will not be lonely and can have sex with girls that I like.

And I summarize the main points from this memory are:

• I was a teenager looking at the mirror in the toilet(Take place).
• I try to shape my nose/face to mimic the actors(Action).
• I place my pride or value totally into my nose(Feelings/Emotions).
• I wanted to be worship by girls so that I won’t feel lonely and can have the sex I want(Experience).

Now I look inside me of why I am still hanging on to this memory, it’s because I feel embarrassed for remembering the look and overrating, judging myself, feeling inferior to compare myself to the actors.

So I self-forgive on the points that construct the memory:

• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect when I was a teenager looking at the mirror in the toilet, I try to shape my nose/face to mimic the actors and place my pride or value totally into my nose, with wanted to be worshiped by girls so that I won’t feel lonely and can have the sex I want to handsome.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the memory of when I was a teenager looking at the mirror in the toilet, I try to shape my nose/face to mimic the actors and place my pride or value totally into my nose, with wanted to be worshiped by girls so that I won’t feel lonely and can have the sex I want.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define handsome within the memory of when I was a teenager looking at the mirror in the toilet, try to shape my nose/face to mimic the actors, and placing my price or value totally into my noise, with wanted to be worshiped by girls so that I won’t feel lonely and can have the sex I want.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of lonely instead of facing myself and introspect myself cleaning me through self-forgiveness.

And I forgive myself for why I am still holding on the memory:

• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel embarrassed for looking at the mirror and remembering how I tried to make me mimic the actors.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to embarrassed when I was looking at the mirror and totally pursing and dream of being attractive amongst girls.
• I forgive myself haven’t allowed myself to totally forgive and forget I was pursuing to be handsome when I look into the mirror and judge myself for being inferior to the actors instead of stopping the past and move on into oneness and equality from now on.
• I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize there is nothing to be embarrassed for looking into the mirror and try to be handsome/beautiful as we all did instead of stop doing it again and treat everything in existence as equal as me.

I also forgive myself for connecting to the memory:

• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect looking at the mirror in the toilet and shaping my nose/face to mimic actors, and place my pride or value totally on my outlook/nose, wanting to be worshiped by girls so that I won’t feel lonely and can have the sex I want to wanting to look like actors in movies.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect my nose/outlook to how others value me.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself wanting to make everyone admire me for my outlook instead of expressing myself and changing myself through self-forgiveness to a better being.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel embarrassed to share with others that I used to secretly looking inside the toilet’s mirror and try to mimic what actors on the screen look like.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself fearing that I am not handsome enough to take advantage and survive in the capitalism.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect fear to I am not handsome enough to take advantage and survive in the capitalism.

So by looking at the memory I realize, We are alone and lonely is just a emotion in the mind, Every girl is me and when sex is just an energy feeling then it only proliferate the mind.

 So when the memory of me looking at the toilet mirror raise again, When I want to look beautiful/handsome through the mirror, I stop and breath and remind myself that I am everything, everything is me. I place value on my beingness not on my outlook, my outlook is a just a bunch of molecules and people putting value on it.

For  why I am still hanging on this memory, I realize I change myself and I shouldn’t feel embarrassed, Everything is me and self-forgiveness is total forgive, forget and move on.

And When I feel embarrassed about thinking or mentioned that I used to look at the toilet’s mirror and try to mimic actors in movies, I stop and breathe and remind myself I am changing me within oneness and equality for me. Let the past go and totally forgive and forget.

So it is I was walking in the dark at night but with a GPS, so I know: so this is where I should self-forgive on, this is where I am hanging my experience/obsessions on. And as I move along the list, I would know where I should concentrate more on what point and do self-forgiveness on. It is like a blue-print and I am designing a memo/plan to remind myself when similar situations occur again, how I will handle it and imprint that into myself. So through the corrective application, I change myself Successfully. Without the help from the buddy, without the DIP material, without DIP's structural assistance in detecting what is inside me that I need to find the core of my evils/problems/obsessions, acknowledge I made a mistake and here I am self-honestly cleaning myself and till here no further I live in separation with everyone/everything again. Because I already have enough of it.

At first it was very difficult and took me several days to finish one Mind Construct. However, through diligence, through self-commitment, the more I do it with the help of Andrea as my buddy, I see I am improving. Instead of keep frowning on my forehead and saying it is too difficult. I see improvements on myself! How enjoying would that be when it happens on you!?